The Paper Cutter

I held out my hand today 

And with the other hand I held a paper cutter.. 

I stared for more than five minutes at both..

I started pressing on my veins with the paper cutter... 

Made a small cut...

There is nothing in life that is so urging to continue breathing.

Colorless,,, tasteless world.

Nothing is tempting me to stay...

The purpose of life?

Thought a lot about it, still thinking though

I am trying hard to get to a compelling reason to be here... Breathing...

Am I considered really alive if I breathe but not mentally here?
If my heart is pounding but my soul is elsewhere?
If I do not have any more dreams?
If everything smells and tastes the same?
If it is always night?

I really don't know...

On the other hand, if I let the paper cutter do the work I want it to do...
What will happen on the other side...
What happens if I die?
Another phase of endless nights, may be?
Eternal silence and emptiness.
Hell?

Figured out that with the paper cutter is somehow like without it.
Limbo... Emptiness...
It is only a matter of phases.
This phase is the living world, the next one, who knows?

So I decided to put the paper cutter down
and face this world, for now...