Father

Today i almost forgot you are not here anymore

I grabbed my phone, was going to call you....
But then I came to my senses...

I wish that when i miss you, 

I could dial your number and call

I wish i could tell you 

All that burdens me 

And all what goes inside

All the fire and the screams... 

I wish you could be here to guide me

Hug me and wipe away my pain... 

Father... i miss you 

I do... 

As life goes on and on

The depth of me missing you increases.. 

A crack... 

that is really hard to fix.. or fill...

i never thought this is how life would turn out like... 

coz when you were here... 

it felt like a dream

Perfect in every way... 

But now you are not here 

And life is not really fair... 

But finally, soon we will meet and we will have eternity together to spend... :) 

The Undefined

It will never be defined...
Somethings are never meant to be..
It only depends on what you can see
what you can feel and picture
in your head and between your rips..

Sometimes it is an overwhelming feeling,,
when you walk towards something
That you can not really tell what it is

It feels like an enchantment
that plays with your heart
and fools with your soul
Makes you want to get closer,
and you are totally unaware of what awaits..

Only when you approach
is when you know...

The drawing below, has nothing to do what is written above,
but you can see it however your head goes to.

Leaf blown in the wind

The moment when you wake up one day to realize,
you made all the wrong choices about your life.
when you suddenly feel the ground vanishing from under your feet,
and that no matter what you do,
you can never undo what you have done.

The choices you made,
The sacrifices you offered!
The effort and amount of energy you gifted...

Sorrow, and regret ...
for all the things you could have done..
for all the things you could have said ..
No matter what happens, you can not rewind time.

All the tears that have been shed,
The shattered heart...
all the nerves that have been burned,, and for what?
For the nonsense, for all to be wasted in vain.

You find yourself,
Ignored, not even missed,,,
No one acknowledges what you have done for them..
No one sees.
Even the closest... the bonded...
All in vain.

You are going down
deep down,
and you know quite well
that no one will catch you
before you hit the rock bottom..
and you can not help yourself,
because simply it does not matter anymore..

You feel like a leaf blown in the wind
and there is nothing you want to do about it..
Not because you can not do anything..
Because it does not matter anymore.