Confusion :)

Is it weakness
Or is it pain
Is it suffering
Is it all in vain
Does it end
Or does it flow
Forever may be
Noone knows
Emptiness crawls inside
Numbness is there outside
Everything blurs
And slowly fades
All but your face, it stays
Carved in my mind
Tattooed on my heart
But its all in vain
And you know what
I don't care
Coz your smell is all I inhale
Deep inside me I know
That wherever I go you'll be here
And whatever I feel you'll be there
But suddenly I fear
Is it weakness
Or is it pain

Enchantment

Two hearts enchanting one another...
two souls bound to each other... 

They finally found each other after a long time of waiting and suffering...

Together they lived... inseparable no matter how hard life tried, they always grew stronger... 

They lived by the sea... where they always wanted...

He was a one of a kind... a marvelous sailor, a perfect fisher man... 

When he was wandering and searching for her.. He crossed many, many seas... until he finally found her, and settled to be only a fisher man, bound by her heart... believing this was worth every bit of sleepless nights he had to pass to find her.. 

Along the day he fished and she was with him.... 

And along the night they would stay by the fire...

She holding him between her arms... singing only to him.. Till he surrenders to beautiful sleep...

One day, he woke up finding himself in great pain... 

He knew what was with him, he knew the cure was so away... and that it was a long journey away from home... 

He hid it from her... smiling at her...  trying to endure the pain as each day passed...

But it wasn't merely working ... the pain grew larger... And he was no longer able to hide it from her...

She could sense that something was troubling him... she could see it in broken soul... Despite of his smiling eyes and lips... 

Whenever the night comes... she could feel that his mind was lost with the sea... she would hold him between her arms... trying to guide his lost mind home... 

Their souls were bound so close that she felt the pain and knew what he had to do to lose it...

She knew he had to go... away in the sea... to find the cure and finally rest...

She started preparing his boat… As she knew he had to go, but he wouldn't do it unless she asks him to...

As painful as it was, she devoted herself to prepare his boat so well he wouldn't need anything on his travel... so that he would return safe home..

The day he was leaving was so dark that she felt that the sun never came up... he promised he would come back as there were no home but her heart to him.. And she promised she will always keep a lit candle at night by the window so that he could see it, and that she will sing every night by the sea so that her voice would guide him home...

In spite of the pain he was in, he left with a smile on his lips and tears of love in his eyes... 

She stood by the sea till the boat was no longer there.. 

By day she fished as they did together, by night she would light a candle and sit by the sea to singing hoping he would hear her….

Years passed, her heart still burning by his fire ... And yet she sings... never losing hope he would return home...  

Beautiful death

Life... 

However bad it is.. Or good it is...
Is a mortal state... 
No matter how hard people wanna live.. They eventually will die..
I see no difference..

It's like... Being in opened water.. You swim perfectly...
And you swim and swim..
But there is no land.. You can see none...
So what you say in your mind.. Is no.... I ain't gonna give up.. I am gonna fight.. I am gonna reach the land.. I am gonna be safe!

And then you swim and swim again...
But still there is no land..

Your arms are weakened.. You can't feel your legs
Hungry, thirsty... With all the water and fish surrounding you...
Your vision weakened..

your mind just fixing on one thing.. Just one thing...
Is there is even anything on the other side?
Or am I only dreaming of something... That never really existed?
How did I end up here?

Then..... There is a choice... A second one...
Its either.. You go on and swim or you just let go and let the water take you
So you decide to give it another go, and swim...

You keep on swimming till you can't feel any of your limps... The water gets heavier by each second....and yet.. There is no land..

So.. Smiling and knowing... That this is the end... You just stop fighting .... Take a deep breath.. And stop moving... and surrender to the beautiful death :)

Death

Losing people to death...
Our loved ones...
I have been there.. I lost dear,,, dear people to death..

I tried alot convincing myself and thinking of it as if the people we lose, just go into another phase of life ,,

But after all, they are people, we no longer see except in our dreams..
We don't talk to them,, when we are in deep situations we don't find them hugging us, telling us it will be okay.

I was really lost between thoughts, until I found out that,, our beloved dead's existance, is defined by how we see that specific existance...

If I want a dear gone person to still exist in my life, I will think of this person in a way that will enable me to see him in my head.. Talk to him in my dreams... Share my best and worst moments with him..

People's souls are always alive... It just transfers from a state to another, from phase to phase..
We only need to understand that, not in every phase we will get the same as we usually get, when they are physically here..
We need to know, that somewhere, their souls are looking down upon us,, looking after and protecting us...

And some time after,, may be soon,, may be a little bit later, we will join our loved ones in their earlier started life..

Changing

Shattered.. Smashed..
Squeezed and the world is wide..
Bleeding.. With no feeling..
Without a reason, without a why..
Is this me?
Is this real?
Why can't I be free?
What's holding my feet?!
Changing.. Searching
For the inspiration in the world
Touching.. Experiencing
And everything is changed
Smiling and believing
Knowing the whole world will be mine
It's how I choose to live
I am only here to have fun
So come along with me
and we shall be free
Come along with me
Coz there is no time to waste..

Into the shades

Walking deeper into the shades,,,
With no lights to head to,,,
Coldness everywhere...
And no one to turn to,,,
Wondering, calling
Crying, falling,,,
Will this shit end?
No matter how she tries
Nothing really works
She slowly suffocates
And from her eyes, life fades
Turning deeper into the shades..
With no one to notice
And no one to care..
She takes more steps into despair
Walking deeper into the shades...

Nostalgia

You can be missing someone who left this world and went on to the other world that is waiting for us all, or missing people who left your life. Or you may be just temporarily missing someone who you did not see for long.

Friends, family, and loved ones.

But one thing is for sure, missing can be the most deadly feeling anyone can ever feel… When you miss someone, it is like your inner self is being ripped apart, feels like a piece of you lost, and you don’t know where to find it. 

Your chest aches. 

It could make you up all night, not able to think about anything else but the special someone you long for. You no longer have the desire to have fun. Indifference could be the main theme of your life. Food does not matter, clothes don’t matter, nothing really matters up till you find that person you long for.

You take out the pictures they are in. Listen to the music they used to love. You might even think that they are listening to it right here with you.  You can play some music yourself for them, or sing their favourite song hoping they would hear it. You can visit the places you used to head for with them, or visit them where their bodies lay comfortably.

Nostalgia directs us to dreaming, or even daydreaming at times. It is the only thing left to do to ease the pain. So you start building your own fantasies and stories about yourself and the other person you miss. Fantasies where you can see, hear and touch that person, where you can be happy, where there is no living and no dead,, Where the pain no longer is there. There come times, when you don’t want to wake up just to be with your loved ones a little bit more. Dreams become your favorite part of the day…

Nothing and no one can make you stop missing someone you do miss. Just hope to see them again, in this life, or the next. Try to live good for they would want you to.