Cracked

Stages of Loss

It first starts with an emotionless look on ur face...

Where you don't quite understand what has just happened... 

This stage lasts for some time... 

Where you don't know what happened.. 

Where you think that, it is just your head,,,

Then comes the phase when you deny what you know deep in your heart,,,

You think that by your denial, things won't be as true as they really are... 

You refuse talking about it, believing that at any moment, something will happen to undo what is going on and that you will prove yourself wrong... 

Then there is this poker face again, when you start to realize it is true,,, he is no longer gonna be there again... He is gone forever..

That is when your emotions begin to surface, when the tears know the way to your eyes, when the pain takes your chest as a home... When the rage is all you know... 

You are now sure that he is not there anymore, that no one will come home again... You won't hear his key chain approaching to open the door... 

You won't play together, talk together, or eat together ever again... 

You won't hear him singing at night or have anymore bedtime stories that lets you sleep in peace... 

Then comes the same emotionless phase all over again... Where you try to calm yourself down... Tell yourself that everything is going to be fine... Life goes on... It is all about stages, steps I will have to take... 

This is when the real smile finally finds the door to your face and your heart... When your soul and mind come to peace...And only then you will begin to flower again... 

Broken hearted

Heaviness in your chest

The constant feeling that you are irritated and sad

Tears that never dry over your pillow at night

Nightmare and screams in your sleep

Songs that when you hear, you feel like crying...

Your breath that feels hard to take

The one person you think of in the begining of the day and before your sleep...

Insomnia... 

If you do have these symptoms, then you have a broken heart my friend... 

The feeling that no matter what you do, no matter where you'd be, you are still alone... 

No matter how many people you are hanging with or how many friends you know, they are not the person you'd rather be with... 

Noone can satisfy you... 

Nothing can replace that empty space in your heart...

The pain in your chest increases as time goes on and it gets heavier and heavier...

Your eyes are sad, tears come easy and the term happiness seems like a long forgotten expression, that you no longer understand or feel.. 

Like it has been dark since you were born... 

You see no colours, to you, everything lost its taste

There is no purpose of life...

You start taking a poker face with everyone, telling people you are fine, when you feel like dying inside... 

You go home everyday wishing to spend some more minutes with this person, smell his scent, watch his smile... 

This must be the end, you think...

There is no more future for me... 

It is not... 

The key to overcome this is to let your feelings out... With a friend, family or even with yourself, write it down, record what you feel, whatever that will make you comfortable...

Then comes the second part, where you understand that you are going through phases and that, there is no rushing... Take your time... 

Give yourself the time you need to let your feelings out, be okay with the facts and face them bravely...

Know that life takes things to give things, even if later... And also know that, life never stops for anyone... 

Time heals everything... And as time goes on... The pain will go away... Your broken heart will heal and your tears will stop and dry... 

Don't lose hope...

The incarnated desire

The Twin Flame

It is weird when you can feel someone, 

when they are not physically there... 

You can smell their scent...

You can feel their presence whenever you are alone.. 

You can sense their existence in your room all the time..

You could almost touch them...

If you wanted to..

You tell yourself that, it is just a fancy imagination and it is not really happening..

And when you do have something like that, 

It is really hard to tell the difference between reality and fantasies...

Your dreams become very clear about this specific person..

You have visions of him/her, which is as real as it could get.

Flashes of what he/she does now

You can easily feel some of the physical feelings he/she is experiencing right now...

That led me to thinking whether if it is a real thing?

Is it supernatural?

So I looked into this online and here is what I found...

Wikipedia said that there is something called a Twin flame concept...

Basically it means that sometimes the origin soul splits into two souls and those two souls long for each others whenever they are born creating a strong spiritual connection between those two souls.

It is a feeling of wholeness on a soul level... not on the usual physical level...

"A Twin flame is a spiritual (esoteric or New Age) concept describing a special soul connection between two souls. The twin flames are thought to be a template for an ancient/eternal type of relationship between lovers of any and all races or genders. The fundamental thought behind this concept is that the dawning new era in human spiritual evolution will be a time when relationships foster enhanced spiritual growth between lovers, whereas in previous times and still early in the 21st century couples stayed together for purposes of physical survival and economical safety more than anything else. According to the mythology of twin flames, in the beginning of time we were created from one source, that was split into smaller and smaller units down to two souls (and on rare occasions, halves of one soul) that would journey to Earth to learn and experience duality. They would reincarnate over lifetimes with this longing for each other."

So may be it is a soul connection and that, your real soul mate - not the ones we claim we have - is there, messed up the same you are, looking for you...

Experiencing those feelings definitely freak out people at the beginning, 

but as time goes by it gives you the feeling that you are not alone, 

that there is someone who is there whenever you are all alone...

Someone who plants serenity and tranquility in your heart and soul... 

You will get used to this later on, 

it will be as normal and easy as breathing..

It will be your special little thing that nobody believes you about... 

But you will adapt to it and it will be part of you..

  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twin_flame

Running

Running...

Breathing heavily... 

Running...

Can't see where she's heading...

Everything's blurring up..

Everything fades in dust... 

It's like she is walking on shaky grounds..

Everything is falling apart...

Nothing is in her sight ...

There is no where to go...

Will this rumble settle?

Will there be sun at the end?

Will she be able to see the light?

Will she make out anything out of the dust?

Running...
Panicking.. 

Breathing gets harder and harder...

She dreams of taking a deep, calm breath...

She is struggling for life... 

She just can't stop because she'll die if she does... 

Running... 

Sweat is all over her body and chest.. 

Running... 

She prays to God that it stops... 

What a Life!

What if the world was still the same since the time before man landed his feet on it...

Mmmmm

For me,, 

I think I would prefer to live somewhere by water,,

By the sea side... In a cave may be.. 

Where I could wake up everyday to the rhythm of sea waves 

crashing on the shore.. 

and there might be the sound of the wind blowing into a nearby field... 

Making the green leaves and grass move and join the melody of the sea waves steady rhythm.

It is amazing when anyone could wake up everyday by this enchanting natural music.

I would sit by the sea,, 

Have a simple breakfast by the sea, may be a coconut milk drink.. 

Smelling the fresh air and enjoying the quietness and relaxation..

By noon I would go sailing to get my lunch... 

And may be swim a little.. 

Returning to land, after catching what I would eat... I might just go for a walk in the field next to where I'd live.. 

Gathering some crops, may be some corn and berries.. 

Then sit under a tree to have lunch by the time the sun sets... On the beach...

And by night fall, 

I would lie next to my cave...

Watching the sky and stars all over ... While the sea waves are in the background... 

In such life, nature surrounds me everywhere,,, all I could see is vast areas and amazing sights.

Everything is intensified, and life is steady and having a slow rhythm, making everything more colorful and meaningful... 

Mmmm... 

What a life...