It first starts with an emotionless look on ur face...
Where you don't quite understand what has just happened...
This stage lasts for some time...
Where you don't know what happened..
Where you think that, it is just your head,,,
Then comes the phase when you deny what you know deep in your heart,,,
You think that by your denial, things won't be as true as they really are...
You refuse talking about it, believing that at any moment, something will happen to undo what is going on and that you will prove yourself wrong...
Then there is this poker face again, when you start to realize it is true,,, he is no longer gonna be there again... He is gone forever..
That is when your emotions begin to surface, when the tears know the way to your eyes, when the pain takes your chest as a home... When the rage is all you know...
You are now sure that he is not there anymore, that no one will come home again... You won't hear his key chain approaching to open the door...
You won't play together, talk together, or eat together ever again...
You won't hear him singing at night or have anymore bedtime stories that lets you sleep in peace...
Then comes the same emotionless phase all over again... Where you try to calm yourself down... Tell yourself that everything is going to be fine... Life goes on... It is all about stages, steps I will have to take...
This is when the real smile finally finds the door to your face and your heart... When your soul and mind come to peace...And only then you will begin to flower again...
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